What my children taught me…


For those that would like to copy and paste the words, not the picture…. or edit them for their own use….
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Love is giving. It is never demanding.
Love is not about enabling bad behavior, it is constant, regardless of the behavior.
Love is about disabling bad choices, not as punishment, simply as what is good for the other person.
Love is unconditional. It never has a hook – “I could love you if…”
Love is genuinely wanting the other person to feel good, regardless of the cost to self, and sometimes at the cost to the other person.
Love is showing that you have learned from the other person, that what they have done for you has been valid, worthwhile.
Love is doing the tough stuff, because the means justifies the end. It’s not about the easy stuff, just because it’s fun, or will score more Like Points.
Love doesn’t care about geographical proximity – it is borderless.
Love cannot see dividing lines – in Politics, Religion, or any individual’s personal choices.
Love is never Control. It never seeks to dominate, win, or get its own way.
The question to ask is: How can I best be a friend? – Not, how can I be a Best Friend?
A child is born with an open door to Love, because parents open the door. The child can choose to demand that Love (which is selfish and therefore unloving) or to give Love, which is selfless and therefore Loving.
A parent is ill equipped to work this out, because they are blinded by love.
A child goes through stages of development that allow them to question where they are on a growth chart.
1/ Unconscious Incompetent – describes the newborn’s reliance on a parent for everything. Car – don’t know what it is, what it does, and don’t even realize I don’t know
2/ Conscious Incompetent – describes the child’s realization that they need guidance for decisions. Car – Realize that’s a mom and dad thing and that I can’t do it
3/ Conscious Competent – describes the learned behavior that is not yet automatic Car – Learning to drive is tricky – so much to remember
4/ Unconscious Competent – describes the automatic behavior of an adult. Car – Get in the car and go – brain is on automatic
The job of a parent is to open a gate between 2/ and 3/ above. To facilitate the growth moving from the knowledge of the parent to the knowledge of the child.
What the child chooses to do with that knowledge, what topics remain in 3/ or move to 4/ has to be the decision of the child, never the parent.
The parent is responsible for offering choices, not for the child choosing.
Many children get stuck in a development stage and need a shove to get them ‘restarted’. If they realize this themselves, they are already in stage 3/ and are totally responsible for getting themselves ‘unstuck’.
If they don’t realize this, then a parental Intervention may be required to move them from stage 2/ to stage 3/.
Love is not about taking away a single ounce of the other person’s responsibility, restricting a child from growing to the next stage, rewarding them for a natural growth path or enabling them with regard to their poor choices.
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